Well, its official. London is no longer the world’s most expensive city. According to the MERCER HUMAN RESOURCE CONSULTING’S 2007 COST OF LIVING STUDY, Moscow has de-throned this mighty city on the Thames. Sadly, this second place finish has no positive effect on the reduction for the price of a pint of beer.One consolation prize is that a smoking ban is about to be enacted. As of July 1st, all public spaces will be smoke free! This is a VERY welcome change for us and many other people who prefer to come home after a night out and not feel like a walking ashtray wearing over-priced shoes. Fines are steep for offenders of this smoking ban, the equivalent of $400 U.S. dollars (roughly 5 pints of beer). London will no longer need to divide its pubs and restaurants into; non-smoking, smoking and chain smoking.
Emily and I recently decided to accidentally explore the English countryside. We were aiming for France, and hit Canterbury instead. Plans were altered after discovering the exorbitant (even for England) prices for the car ferry. The next 72 hours of automobile stewardship would prove to be an enormous challenge to our mental fortitude. Driving in London is simply exhausting. We rented a car in London, and attempted to drive it out of the city. It is an amazing thing to discover how massive London is. The heart of the city boasts 7 million residents, but if you factor in the surrounding areas, this number swells to more than 12 million. Driving out of Europe’s largest city requires skill, luck, courage, a sense of humor, various finger gestures and 231 “U” turns. London has the unique ability to swallow up the worlds best- laid plans. You can print out a detailed map, alternate routes, local advice . . . and you will still end up lost. In just five turns we managed to get completely lost in our own neighborhood. The directions to get out of town took up 2+ pages of stationary.It took about 2 hours to achieve that “countryside” feeling. Once on the open roads, the scenery was quite pleasant. Overall, the quality of driving is very high in this land. English drivers are incredibly patient, forgiving and they use their turn signal! It is as if everyone is simultaneously taking their driving exam. The roads began to open up and follow beautiful rivers and streams. Driving in England was just beginning to become a pleasurable thing when . . .SPEED CAMERAS! These clunky boxes are a blight to humanity and the bane of England’s motorway existence. Traffic flows along nicely, until suddenly everyone ferociously jumps on the brakes, as if a pack of blind toddlers wandered out into the roadway. It can be quite a hazard if you don’t expect it. These cameras seem to be everywhere. They are spaced apart just enough for you to forget for a moment that big brother is watching you (hence the well- behaved driving?). This surveillance culture is really going overboard. I am sure the suicide rate for Porsche owners is 4 times as high in the U.K. (stock brokers excluded in the calculations) than the rest of the world.
We are happy to report that the cliffs of Dover are still chalky white. The castle that overlooks the harbor is still standing impressively tall (and has equally formidable and lofty admittance prices). We did get to see a Roman lighthouse which is argued to be the oldest structure still standing in England. As far as we could tell, life in the Castle was pretty gloomy and cold. Combine that with the English weather, traditional cuisine and a few of sieges from the French, and you have perhaps the reason why England is such a “boozy” culture.
The real treats are found in the small medieval towns dotting the southeast coast. Most noteworthy was the town of Sandwich. It boasted quaint cobblestone streets, narrow ('bring out your dead') cart-path wide side streets, thatched roofs, canals surrounding houses and vertically challenged doorways. Its as if every structure were custom made to exclusively accommodate Yoda. You really get a feeling of how long these buildings have been around. A quick stroll down one street will reveal an optical illusion of a wave disguised as a Tudor-style pub that is about to wash up on the hairdresser’s door.
Canterbury is a charming city surrounded by some impressive old walls. Inside these walls rests England’s most important cathedral. This church is quite a monument and it is easy to see why so many religious pilgrims flocked to the area. All it took was King Henry II to tell a few knights to whack Thomas Becket in 1170 who then got a fast track to sainthood (just 3 years later—what a deal!) and the rest was history. Chaucer’s subsequent work sealed the city’s place in history. It was interesting to read that during WWII, the locals often set fires to the surrounding courtyards after the Luftwaffe’s bombings—to fool the Nazis into thinking they scored a direct hit on the chapel. Sixty-five years later a caffeinated cluster bomb has been dropped on the city. Starbucks struck a direct hit and one is literally growing out from the front gate. The Germans have changed their tactics and are now stealthily sipping lattes and sporting Birkenstocks with black socks—obviously abandoning conventional warfare and instead resorting to a unique terror campaign.
At the close of that weekend, we were all too happy to return the car early. Driving around London instills a new appreciation for public transportation. That being said, there certainly are some difficult days with the Underground, especially during commute hours. Aside from line closures on the weekends and signal delays during the week, just getting aboard is sometimes a hassle. During peak hours, you have to wait on the platform and let train after train pull up, stop and open its doors to reveal human cargo resembling a packed sardine can. Only once in a while you will be able to jump into a car that is 98% full and just shoe horn yourself in. Not one word is exchanged, you just sort of ‘grow’ into the collective shape that is given to you. Good times. When given the option, the train and bus are the preferred methods of transport. Good rule of thumb: if at all possible, during commute hours, stay above ground.
We finally visited Harrods—the famous department store in Central London. Its atmosphere closely resembles that of a really snooty museum. The security guards / salespeople size you up and somehow do a full credit analysis before speaking. There is this strange vibe there, like you just walked into a fancy cocktail party wearing a Speedo and snorkel mask (both of which can be found on level 4 and come in both chrome and gold-plated styles). It is quite an experience and very eye opening to know that they sell hats made of bird feathers that cost $1,200 and offer as much shade as a tropical drinks' cocktail umbrella. Emily was kind enough to model the hat until some Harrods jerk (twat) yelled at us for having both a sense of humor and camera and we were ushered on to the next department.We also had the privilege to straddle time and space. . .in Greenwich. The prime meridian was observed and we can confirm that it too has been commoditized and made into a tourist trap. There was a line on the line to get a picture of your buddy under the line (a queue on the Meridian to capture a snap of your mate). Greenwich is a really pleasant part of outer London with a great market and superb pubs. We enjoyed walking around the huge green park and adjoining hills.
Other than a few random sunny days, of which we took full advantage and hiked the coast, England has yet to cough up a proper summer. It seems intent on raining and producing muggy, wet weather. Even the Wimbledon tennis tournament can’t coax the sun out. The most optimistic the weather reports gets is “sunny spells” in the forecast. Californians don’t usually do cartwheels upon hearing this, but we are so desperate to produce some Vitamin D we will resort to calisthenics and tell the Brits that it is a Native American “Sun” dance.
