idly obese people, armed police men, armed citizens (not really missing that actually), reasonably priced items. . . What I am talking about goes deeper than the usual stuff. Words. Words I took for granted. Grammatical comfort food if you will. Case in point; "zero." It simply does not exist here. I strain to call it a number, for I don't think it actually is one. The beloved 'goose egg' has been blandly replaced by "Nil". One syllable of pure nothing. So its a "Nil-sum game" then? This winter, the weather could dip below "Nil." Works great for soccer (football) scores. You can watch a barn-burner with the final score of "Nil / Nil."Ah but the new words I am learning are quite the multi-taskers. My favourite so far is "pissed". The first, and most obvious use can be for the literal, familiar reference to the act of urination. The second use is to describe being drunk, "We were pissed that night". The third use is to describe one person making fun of another, in a playful manor, "I'm just taking the piss out of you mate. Let's go get some tea." They do respond to, but don't use the term, "pissed off." Another way I have heard it used is to describe something that is not level, or wobbly, "This floor is really on the piss, mate. Lets get some tea and think about it some more." I am confident there are more applications to this word.
Accompanying the language is of course, culture. I can't think of a better guide than England's favourite adopted American, Bill Bryson. In his book, "Notes from a Small Island" he so eloquently sums up the British, "They will queue patiently for indefinite periods and accept with rare fortitude the imposition of rationing, bland diets and sudden inconvenient shortages of staple goods . . .They are comfortable with faceless bureaucracies and, as Mrs. Thatcher proved, tolerant of dictatorships. They will wait uncomplainingly for years for an operation or the delivery of a household appliance. They have a natural gift for making excellent jokes about authority without seriously challenging it, and they derive universal satisfaction from the sight of the rich and powerful brought low." I take this book with me on my 20 minute train commute. I must say, I do not miss driving very much. That being said, having a vehicle for carpentry purposes would be very convenient. It takes a lot of energy and planning to rely on wheeled baggage and public transport. Both of which have failed me this past week.
After two rental car experiences under the belt, my driving record is still flawless. How I wish my pedestrian record was on par. It is difficult to navigate on the sidewalk (pavement) with any consistency. Outside of the Underground, staying to the right or left is open to interpretation. Many Londoners are actually from another country, so they are used to staying to the the right as well. I find myself bobbing and weaving in and out of slower foot traffic, street merchants, leering tourists and locals.
London is used to a fast pace, so constant movement is the key. This past weekend Emily and I found ourselves bogged down in a slow lane that transitioned to the end of a queue for a ATM machine. I am confident half the participants in line had no intention to withdraw money. They were just standing there. The supermarket seems to be the most intense place to experience this phenomenon. On average, I do a little "shall we dance" jig with at least 2 people a day. That's on a good day.
I never knew how much I dragged my feet until I moved to London. The sidewalk is composed of brick or stone that pre-dates the Thatcher 'dictatorship' by at least 300 years. Needless to say, things are not so smooth, which leads me to the conclusion that it would be impossible to sue the Queen if you trip on her sidewalk. As with the left-right pavement jig, I must bang my toe on an uneven piece of sidewalk on a daily basis. Often times the same damn brick catches my boots every morning. Lift and plant. Lift and plant.
As an American, you suddenly become an ambassador to a nation of (lets face it) Bush-voting Nascar-loving, gun-toting homophobes. So the Virginia Tech shooting was a real hoot for me. I had everyone convinced that we all carried guns and Ford and GM made glove boxes specifically to fit the 44 Magnum that was featured in the film "Dirty Harry." I had the boys at work convinced for about 3 hours. It was beautiful. Truth be told, it is really shameful. I tell them the counter argument from the NRA goes something like: had one responsible citizen with a carry permit been on the campus, the body count would have been a lot lower." As long as the US has firearms openly available, shootings like this will continue to occur. You would think an island nation that has a history of invasion would be the other way on the debate. Yet they are adamant about there being strict gun laws in place. The problem is, in the states, if you arm one idiot, you have to arm them all! Or so goes the logic. The despicable fact is that a well-documented, mentally disturbed man was able to go out with a credit card and purchase a handgun that day! He faced a tougher approved process for the credit card than the gun. What does that say about our society? Unfortunately, after all the outrage and loss of life (not sure if it's a state-wide record or national record) nothing will be done about it. The news media will focus on Paris Hilton's jail term.
Did you know, that every 'able bodied' citizen of SWITZERLAND is requ
ired to have a rifle in their home. Why? I do not know. I do know that it is a beautiful country beyond comparison. Yes, yes the blog says "life in London" but we just can't help ourselves. England is so 'bloody' expensive. A trip to Switzerland isn't that much more than a weekend getaway to Bath, or Oxford. That was one of our goals whilst over here. See as many places as we can. Seriously, give me one good reason not to visit Switzerland. If there were any justice in the world, when you looked up "serene" or "tranquil" in the dictionary, it would say, a: "SEE Switzerland. No, really, go there!" Absolutely stunning. As a country, it is incredibly well kept, quaint and relaxing. I am sure there are others, but Switzerland is the only country I can think of that does not have an 'official' language for the natives. They speak German, French or Italian depending on where they live.We flew into Zurich, so German was the dominating dialect. But you could easily get away with French (if you had a command of that language), and people switch back and forth. And of course, everyone speaks English.
It did not take very long for our daily cheese intake to multiply sixteen fold. You simply can't avoid it. When the local gas station boasts an entire cheese aisle that shames Whole Foods, how can one resist?
Emily and I were fortunate to get a free "upgrade" with our rental car. A sporty Alpha Romero 147. Perfect for the mountain roads we were planning to tackle. What a joy to row through the gears with the right hand again. I was a tad disappointed when my left hand did not bang the door panel when I came to a down shift opportunity. It is strange to switch from driving on the left side of the road (Countries with the Queen on the currency) to the aptly named right side (95% of the rest of the world).
We spent a wonderful day walking the river in the downtown area. Cobblestone streets, narrow passageways leading to bridges across green glacier fed waters.
Its a really sad economic indicator when you can shop in Switzerland and think of everything as a bargain. The British pound is just so strong at the moment. We couldn't help ourselves, we had to shop. Thanks to Globalization, the same stores are everywhere in Europe, with each country offering their own unique, tasteless sunglasses. After passing on the sunglasses but taking the Swiss for all they were worth, we hopped in the Alpha and departed for Lucern, and then to Interlaken.
Into the heart of the alps we go! Quite a place, where time seems to stand still. You can tell the Swiss really take advantage of the sunlight. The sweeping glacial valleys get about 3-4 hours of sunlight a day, so there is a flurry activity when the towering peaks allow the precious sun to peek through. Suddenly there is a blizzard of laundry and sunbathers. The former is a sight one is well accustomed to, the latter, well lets say it was disturbingly early in the season for that. The laundry was dry, but the Swiss were pink.
We devoted one afternoon to hiking up a river valley and fly fished (well, I fished, Emily sunbathed). The water was shallow, cold and clear. The fish were not biting, but it really did not matter. It felt like a million miles away from London. Just what we wanted. The next day we embarked on a glorious hike up through little villages towards Grindelwald. What a place. Again, frozen in time. With every corner on the trail, I half expected Julie Andrews to jump up, spin around and offer us a 12 course meal consisting of nothing but cheese. I think I just figured out that Swiss gun requirement! Apologies to any Sound of Music fans.
One thing I noticed about Switzerland is that their villages are arranged thoughtfully. So often they consist of small towns on a steep mountain slope. Surrounding the houses is lush green grass, with cows, a few trees for shade, then a dense forest. They clear out just enough trees to live comfortably. The forest no doubt doubles as a snow break during the winter.
Another thing about the Swiss: They have a penchant for underground highways. Add tunneling to the accomplished list of: watch-making, cough drop lozenge experts and handy knifes from a neutral army. We were constantly raising the sun glasses, then lowering them. It got to the point where we made an inside joke about it in reference to our friend's Internet video: http://videos.thelonelyisland.com/tli/TheBuEp01.mp4
Lots of, "Glasses ON!" "Glasses OFF!" We originally thought the tunnels were going through mountains. But we would
look back and see flat land behind us. They like that uninterrupted open space I guess.Back in England, life is pretty good. Work is very busy and always interesting. England keeps breaking its own former records for weather. The last two months have been the hottest on record. I am sure it is just a coincidence and that Global Warming is just a liberal scare tactic!
Since I am living in the country that formed the Magna Carta which lead to Habeas Corpus, I would like to invite EVERYONE to listen to this FREE story about the United States' pitifully dark, under reported story of Guantanamo Bay. It is eye opening and not that surprising, frankly. Here is the link:
http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1185
This story won the Peabody award for journalism in 2006. Every American with half a brain should listen to it. Ok I am off my soapbox now.
Things are well and life continues to be wonderful. Please take care and feel free to berate me on my spelling, grammar and content.
cheers
Jon
